At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
