We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
