We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
