five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
