if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My liver just had a heart attack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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