oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
