HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
