yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
