dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
