We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Floor bacon is actually really good
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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