I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
