it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Shame - the story of my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
