I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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