You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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