also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
