swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
