WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
