first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
