One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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