I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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