you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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