It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize