I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
