it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
