It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
