final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
