i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
PANTIES FOUND
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
