This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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