Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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