My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
