Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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