So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
