; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my liver is dry heaving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
