Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
