normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
