You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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