and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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