ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left