On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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