Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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