my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
