last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
