Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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