were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
