I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
