at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
