hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
