Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
