Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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