If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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