i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
