if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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