I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
