Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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