rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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