it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
