I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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