my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
