...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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