You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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