he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
