somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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