I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?