please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.