for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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