I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night