Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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