Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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  (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her http://tfl.nu/rds9
  Replies (20) Good night (1114) Bad night (1980)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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  (208): the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise http://tfl.nu/n0e5
  Replies (59) Good night (850) Bad night (8579)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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  (817): So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much http://tfl.nu/mbp8
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (2197)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket

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  (321): you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket http://tfl.nu/cdhn
  Replies (39) Good night (2946) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

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  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
  Replies (25) Good night (918) Bad night (6074)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

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  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (6506) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (12237) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.

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  (845): and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/7djk
  Replies (4) Good night (2630) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.

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  (760): Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI. http://tfl.nu/53k1
  Replies (6) Good night (2240) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

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  (518): I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down. http://tfl.nu/m8at
  Replies (18) Good night (2759) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (353): View more from

  The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend

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  (353): The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend http://tfl.nu/0v3z
  Replies (4) Good night (1073) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.

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  (478): I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second. http://tfl.nu/3zb1
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into

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  (313): Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into http://tfl.nu/0v44
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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  (847): Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun http://tfl.nu/7pg6
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point

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  (408): What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point http://tfl.nu/9b7m
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (286)

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