everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im just a social blackout drinker.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit