This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
