so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
