Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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