just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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