I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This baby is an asshole
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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