my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
