He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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